“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” –Genesis 2:24
Before I got married, my grandpa told me to remember that it’s supposed to be me and my husband against the world- and he emphasized that it should be just us.
A month after my husband and I got married, we packed up everything we had into the back of our ’94 Tacoma and moved 16 hours north into our very first apartment. It was both exhilarating and scary! We lived with my husband’s family for the first month of marriage while we waited for our teeny tiny ity bity baby apartment to be ready haha. Being on our own, we began to create our own home environment or marital identity.
And I’ll tell you straight up- it wasn’t easy creating our own marital identity.
Okay so we’ve all heard the phrase “the first year is the hardest” when referring to marriage, right? I did not believe it at all! I thought- how could it be that hard? I get a sleepover with my best friend every night, we always get to hang out, and no restrictions on intimacy!! Buuutttt it was hard- the best sort of hard there is though. We learned how to serve each other better, learn more about each other’s likes and dislikes, make up after fights, and a ton of other things!
But we lived! And we sort of made a hybrid between our two parent’s homes. We took our favorite parts and made them part of our family culture…like eating Mexican food three times a week and spending Saturday afternoon’s reading and going outside.
A common way that marital identity is compromised is when at least one of the spouses is too dependent on their parents. Physical dependence and emotional dependence are no-no’s. Physically dependence is like continuing to live with your parents and having them continue to financially support you even after being married. Emotional dependence is like calling your mom too much, tattle-telling on your spouse, sharing confidential information with pops, or even consulting with your parents on important matters without talking with your spouse first.
If you’re feeling a little guilty about doing one of these things- quit it. Don’t be that guy. It’s hurtful to your spouse and (duh) your marriage. What you can do is apologize to your spouse and resolve to do better. Find an apartment and move out. Think twice before calling your mom if it’s to talk poorly about your spouse. Try to make your decisions as a couple.
-It’s you guys against the world-