This is a question that I had to ask myself this week. We’ve all heard the phrase “pick your battles” but do we actually do that? Fighting for and fighting over are two different enchiladas. Fighting for suggests something with moral integrity and standing up for something we believe in. Fighting over can be anything from two toddlers who want the same toy to two adults who can’t pick a temperature for the thermostat.
“For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.” 3 Nephi 11:29
Okay, this week my husband and I literally got into the stupidest fight in the whole entire history of stupid fights haha. I honestly don’t even remember what it was about…that’s how worthless it was lol! All I remember is that I had worked 11 hours on Wednesday, had at least 8 hours of intense homework to do and my husband was the nearest living thing to my wrath. We called each other up a couple hours after the fight and I started laughing because of how silly I felt about fighting with him.
I had this sort of epiphany (which might be obvious but it helped me)! If my fight with my husband is happening because I am sick, tired, stressed, doing excessive amounts of research, etc. then automatically I am going to discredit the fight and walk away. Because the fight wasn’t really about him not helping me clean up spilled Dr. Pepper- yup I finally remembered and this was my stupid fight haha how embarrassing- it was about MY stress, MY sleepiness, MY homework. Not his.
Next, think if you actually care about the fight or if it’s a cover for something else. Like: do I actually care that he is playing video games or is that I feel that I need more one on one time or I want the T.V. to watch Vampire Diaries and the video games are ruining my chances of that.
Is the fight over something that, eternally speaking, has consequences? Those are things that are worth fighting for but not getting into fights over. Nothing is worth fighting over because fighting accomplishes nothing!!! Really, can you honestly tell yourself that you “win” fights? Nobody wins in a fight- there are just two people who are hurt to varying degrees.
When you fight for something in a marriage you discuss, debate, and argue your points in a Christ-like manner. You can fight for anything with value in your marriage like having more family time, practicing healthier behaviors, controlling the type of media in your home, religion, God, whatever that has eternal value.
The truth is, there are a lot of gray areas in these areas… but just use your best judgement and let the Spirit guide you in deciding if something is worth fighting for. 🙂
p.s. I am most certainly not perfect at this! I’m just trying my best to get rid of those silly fights that my hubby and I have 🙂